Yes, the rumours are true. At E3, Sierra finally announced the long-awaited sitcom / sci fi action blaster, Simpsons Versus Predator.

Here is the official press release from Sierra:

Simpsons Versus Predator is a next-gen squad combat game featuring revolutionary 5-way gameplay. In this blistering blend of action and strategy, you command Homer and his squadmates as they take the fight to the Predators’ homeworld. Can this whimsically dysfunctional family defeat the entire Yautja race despite being two-dimensional animated characters with no knowledge of weapons or battle tactics? That… is down to you.

You’d have to be a complete retard not to be excited about this game. It brings together the two greatest groups of characters in the history of fiction: The Yautja, proud hunters from the planet Kjjjrlkjjekkulon 4, who live to kill and kill to live; and the Simpsons, an animated family who are primarily yellow.

Together at last.

Sierra have whetted our appetites with this tantalising excerpt from the novelette included with the game.

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Homer crept grimly through the bowels of the Z’krkkakak-class Space Destroyer. Sweat poured from his pallid yellow face and splashed on the bizarre, stupid-looking floor. His family crawled through the darkness behind him, terror haunting their simple, clearly delineated forms. Homer stared skittishly at the shadows that rippled in the haze. Down here in the engine tubes, the heat was so intense that the Yautja’s thermo-vision would be useless. That was what Lisa had assured, and during the terror of the past month, he had learned to trust her judgment. She had saved their asses countless times.

The saber rifle felt alien in his hands. This was because it was an alien weapon, but also because Homer was unused to the world of mortal gunplay. Only a month ago he had been reclining on his sofa, sinking the sixth Duff of the evening, and musing contentedly on how unlikely it was that Springfield would ever be invaded by a race of murderous aliens with faces like sad vaginas. How wrong he had been. How very, very incorrect.

It began the night Milhouse never returned home. Twelve hours later, Santa’s Little Helper was found inside-out, and six hours after that, stuff started blowing up. It was the hottest summer Springfield had ever known. And soon it would become the bloodiest. Everyone knew the legends of the hunters who came during the hottest times, but this was different. This time, they were bent on annihilating every last man, woman, child and family pet, and then selling their heads as novelty ashtrays for the Yautja hoi polloi back home. Shelbyville fell in less than two days, the horrendous sounds of slaughter audible across the plains. Everyone knew that Springfield was next.

And then they came.

In the grim reality of alien invasion, the structure of government quickly broke down, and martial law was the only way to keep order. Barney Gumble took a bullet after being caught looting Moe’s Tavern; his body was hung from the statue of Jebediah Springfield for the sport of the crows. And still the killing continued. These enemies were invisible, deadly, and in no mood to negotiate. After a gory pitched battle in which nine thousand people were exploded by lasers, the terrified remains of the population gathered in Springfield Elementary, where a bitter power struggle ensued between the two prominent factions, one led by Kent Brockman, and the other by Ned Flanders. Skinner was long gone; he had been harpooned to death while trying to defend his mother by firing a Luger indiscriminately into the sky.

Finally Flanders gained the upper hand after a dazzlingly bloody coup. In an effort to assert his dominance, his first act was to tie up the Simpsons and thrust them into the street as human sacrifices to appease the Gods from space. They were captured and kept alive, evidently intended as curiosities to be toyed with by the Yautja elite; but something went wrong somehow, and for some reason they were now free and creeping around the lower decks of the mothership, with revenge in their hearts and bizarre alien weapons in their hands. Even Maggie’s.

It was a really small gun.

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I don’t know about you, but I am so excited about this game that I just ejaculated my pelvis. However, I do have some reservations. I’m hoping the designers will keep the story true to the Simpsons universe and not ruin it with a load of off-character dialogue, like they did in recent seasons of the TV show. It’s the character-based humour that people love, not the surreal and zany situations that seem to plague the latest crop of episodes. With this in mind, I’m hoping SvP will smoothly marry the original thoughtful humour of the first four seasons with the pulse-pounding action setpieces and astonishing sci-fi violence that we expect from the Predator universe.

Some released footage does attest to the game’s faithfulness. Each member of the Simpsons has their own special ability which can help in the fight against the Yautja, and these are nicely plausible: Homer throws nuclear donuts, Bart can slow down time with his special Skatewarp skill, and Maggie’s pacifier acts as a subspace transceiver, allowing the team to receive mission updates direct from the president. However, other news is a cause for concern: apparently the Predators are slightly shorter than in the films. This is obviously a serious problem, and I only hope that the developers will listen to the inevitable fan outcry and do the right thing.

Speaking of the fans, it is not too late for you to have your say in how you think this game should be developed. What, in your opinion, does this game need to contain in order to be a classic? If we all join our voices in complaint, surely Sierra will listen.

Dubious Reviews will of course keep you updated about every stage of this game’s development.

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